No one marries to have a nightmare in the household! People marry because they are in love, but also because they see their lives together with the partner they have chosen.
So, why does a couple struggle to have a good marriage with time?
Some people are of the idea that when they are married and have now been together for 5/6 years, it starts to get boring. However, people don’t understand that this is a problem; A problem of the couples, not of marriage! A true marriage is never boring and never gets boring with time – it gets better with time!
Some people even have thoughts such as:
”will I be with one person my whole life? No!
I have to enjoy my life.”
and if this is you, you should not get married, because your marriage will indeed be boring because of the way you see marriage! You’ve been warned.
Overall, marriage is meant to be heaven! You need to be in heaven with your partner; both peacefully.
There are some important points that we have to be aware of, when thinking about a good marriage with time, and if those are not implemented correctly at the beginning of marriage, it does set the pace for problems in the marriage later on.
Table of Contents
Husband/wife leaving their family, to become one family
There are many expectations when a couple gets married, and one of them is a couple becoming one. They leave their family and start their lives together. However, there are cases where this does not happen! The men is still very much attached to his family, to his brother, to his mother, etc. and not by words, but by actions, showing that they are not willing to ‘’leave’’ their family. Some even say:
‘’ You have to accept, because I have MY family!’’
but fail to understand that they are now creating a new family with their wives, and these behaviors make it very hard for them to become one and start their own family. Even though we spoke about men, it is good to highlight that this also happens with women.
Note:
❌NO! It is not wrong for you to be with your family, for you to spend time with them.
❌NO! No one is saying for you to abandon your family, and forget that they exist!
However, there should be balance. You should know when to separate your family, from your marriage.
Quick example
One day, I was having lunch with a few people, and there was a men, I would say in this 25/30 who was speaking about his relationship. He says that his partner was always in the house of her parents; mornings, nights, and afternoons, everyday. He was expressing himself, and saying that they did not have time together because of this. Every time he wanted to plan something nice, and something fun, he could not because there were ALWAYS plans in her parent’s house.
So this ended up hindering the relationship a lot.
For you to have a family, you have to leave yours, you can’t have 2 families. Or you have 1 family or you go back to your original family because it will greatly impact your relationship, especially when you are in the beginning stages.
Imagine there’s a problem with you and your partner and the first thing you do is to tell your parents. This is not correct, because your partner is your family, and you should be able to speak about anything that is bothering you with him first.
Note:
❌NO! We are not saying for you to exclude completely your family and stop counting on them.
I am not saying that you are not going to count on your family, of course you will, but first, if you are married it will be your husband.
No one marries to be second, or third, we marry someone else because we want to be first in their lives. We are married to be the most important person in someone else’s life, and you need to make this separation and be one with your husband/wife.
Communication
I am sure we all understand the great power communication can have in a relationship;
✅If you communicate well – we will avoid a lot of problems.
❌If we communicate wrong – we will have a lot of fights and unsolved problems.
We cannot leave a life where we exclude our wife/husband from the marriage, and this can happen through communication. Many people don’t understand that in a marriage this is even easier to happen throughout our daily routines.
Quick example
The husband works far away from home, and arrives late home, and the wife asks:
‘’ How was your day? ‘’
and sometimes the husband says ‘’Good.‘’
This is the perfect example that excludes the wife from the daily life of the husband or at least leaves the wife feeling this way. Of course, we understand that men, when they came home, late at night, from a hard day at work, what would they normally want to do?
They probably want to eat, take a shower, date a little bit, and go to sleep. They will not want to talk about all the problems they faced during the day, and some even think:
‘’why does she want me to repeat the same thing that I do every day? The same routine that she already knows?’’
not understanding that for a woman this act of communicating is including her in your life. This is very important for women; for women, this type of communication is gold. However, if this does not exist, it ends up making a partner feel excluded, especially women.
Tips for the men
When you don’t give information to your wife, they will fill in the gaps and normally is with bad thoughts, because we, women, are very creative.
The right man, will not make their wife feel excluded, but he will include her, this is achieved through communication. When we don’t communicate as much with our partners, this shows that we are been selfish. But we also should understand that the other person will never be able to read our minds, so we have to communicate to make the other person understand what we feel, what we think, the reason why we have acted in a certain way, etc.
Your partner needs to understand what you go through, as this is very important in a marriage. This is also important because it helps the other person learn more with you; they have qualities you don’t have, way of thinking that you don’t have, but this is beneficial! The differences should not be a problem but should add to the marriage.
Quick example
There was a couple that have been married for over 50 years, and the wife would always give him the chicken leg, and the husband wouldn’t say anything, he would eat whatever she gave to him. But one day, the husband asked for the chicken drumstick. The women was not expecting this and said: ’’But you always have the leg, is anything wrong?’’ and he said: ’’ I always have the leg because you always give me the leg, but in reality, my favorite is the drumstick.’’ All of this happened because there was no communication at the beginning. So this man, stayed over 50 years eating something that wasn’t this preference, just because this was not well communicated at the beginning of the relationship.
Don’t underestimate the power of communication!
If you struggle with this, try every day communicating more with your partner, challenge yourself by doing different things every day or week, and you will see that by the end of this year, your communication with your partner will improve millions just by you putting effort into wanting to establish this goal.
Women being submissive
This has been so misinterpreted throughout decades, men and women have not fully understood the meaning of submission. However, being submissive does not mean you allow men to walk all over you, allowing them to do whatever they want with you, while you suffer! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOO! 100% NOOOOOOOO! This is not something that can be forced, but should be considered with gentleness.
Being submissive to your men, simple means that if we don’t subject ourselfs to other human beings, there will be no relationship, and this is not only towards a wife and a husband, but also towards an employee and employer, parents and childrens, etc. If you are the type of person that always want to impose your things, and force things to happen, then it is not going to work, neither with a husband and wife relationship, neither with relationship with other people.
We live in a society were majority of people want to demand, but don’t want to do. So how will your marriage better with time, if you are the kind of person that is always demanding, but never doing something towards your partner? If you don’t learn to give to your own marriage, then its going to be really hard to have a good marriage.
Note:
When you give, you receive.
Both should do an effort to better the marriage, to GIVE to the marriage. This is not a one man job, only one person doing something for the relationship. NO!
No one treats themselves bad, we always have the tendency of treating other bad. We eat, we drink, we take care of ourself’s, we take care of our appearance, etc. So when you are in a marriage, husband and wife became one. So those that love their wife/husband, love themselves. And when they treat their husband/wife well, its like they are treating themselves well.
Note:
Like we take care of our own bodies, we also need to take care of our husbands/wifes.
So, to conclude, being submissive has nothing to do with what we learned; it has to do with respect, and with giving.
✅By understanding that you and your partner are one, and by resolving your issues and struggles together, will make your marriage good over time.
✅By communicating as much as possible with your partner and sharing things with them, will make your marriage good over time.
✅By GIVING in the marriage, and being respectful, will make your marriage good over time.
