Forgiveness is all about letting go of the past and embracing the present in a more positive light, however, you might be struggling with that. So this blog post will be all about how you can forgive someone that has done something wrong to you.

Last month I went on my threads and posted a simple quote:

and a lot of people had many things to say about this…
But on seeing their responses, I understood that many people are not willing to forgive.

So, in this blog post, we will dive in on understanding a little bit deeper about forgiveness and the steps you can take if you are struggling with this at this moment. (or at any moment in time)

When someone does you wrong, you have many options, but I will reduce them into 2:

1. Either you keep what the person has done to you in your heart (and that’s a way you punish them for what they did).
or
2. You let go and forgive.

If you decide to do number 1, it becames easier for you to understand why you do it, if we put it like this:

we all live in a country where there are rules, and we all know that if we don’t abide by the rules, we will get punished.

And it works more or less the same way with you. You keep what the person did to you (you are your little country) and if they hurt you (go against your rules) then you punish that person by holding that against them.

Only you can do that, the same way that only your country can punish you if you don’t follow their rules.

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness can be explained in many ways, but in a nutshell is a decision.

• A conscious and intentional decision to let go of the feeling of resentment, or anger towards the person who hurt you.

When you are in a situation where someone has done wrong to you, even though you can do something (revenge, punishment, etc) you decide to Just Let Go. And that’s forgiveness.

Why Is Important to Forgive?

I know that not forgiving sounds appealing when someone has done wrong to you, however, think about it like murder.

Would you murder someone?

and I know I am going to the extreme but, think about it.

When you hold grudges, which is the opposite that happens when you forgive, you are wishing all the bad to that person – they shouldn’t exist, they shouldn’t speak to you, and you want them far away from you.

You want them to die without causing their death. (physically, at least)

But what does that make you? If we see someone who has killed someone, we are very judgmental, but we don’t bring that judgment towards us when we hold a grudge.

I always have learned that when you hold grudges is like you are drinking poison thinking the other person will die or be harmed. However, they are not harmed, because they are not drinking, YOU ARE DRINKING. So you get harmed.

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What is not forgiveness

1. What takes people to not forgive is relating forgiveness with memory.

Just because you forgave, that those not mean you will forget everything the person has done to you. Unless you tell me you have amnesia and then I’ll agree with you.

It’s about letting go of something you were holding, not about memory.

And don’t get this twisted – Many people say:

‘’ Oh yeah, I forgave but I don’t wanna see them anymore, I don’t want them in my life, etc’’’

No, that’s no forgiveness.

When you forgive, you don’t mind seeing them or talking to them, you don’t need to be the best of friends, but it’s not hard for you to maintain a conversation and consider them as any other human.

when you say:

‘’oh no, I forgave but I don’t wanna talk, I don’t wanna see’’

that translates to me, that you still have something there you did not let go.

2. Forgiveness is not with your heart (feelings) but with your mind.

Many people think they need to feel some type of way for them to make a decision. That’s not correct.

Not on the topic of forgiveness, but also not on the topic of life.

We have to do many things we don’t necessarily feel like doing. We have to wake up and go to school, others have to wake up and go to work, and it’s not every day we feel like doing this, but we do it, consistently, because we understand (with our minds) we have too.

It works the same way with forgiveness. If we understand that if we don’t forgive we wont be able to heal or move forward, it becomes easier to take that decision.

Even if your heart and your feelings tell you every day they want to be there, you will tell them every day that that’s not their place, because you have forgiven.

3. Yes, You can

The concept of forgiveness when you are not in a specific situation, it’s easy.

However when you are in the situation, facing it, it’s very hard.

But is always good to remember that YOU CAN.

Yes, you can forgive that colleague or that friend who has done something wrong to you. Yes, you can forgive your parents.
Yes, you can forgive that one person who has made your life a living hell.

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Steps to forgive someone

• Try to Understand their point of view – Be Kind

Be kind and practice kindness. Even though this person might not deserve it, remember you are doing it for yourself. You are trying to develop yourself, and your actions, not others.

Like Selena Said; Kill Them with Kindness.

But also… Try to understand their point of view.

This might be hard in the beginning because your understanding will be clouded by your feelings. However, as you try to understand and you try to be kind, eventually you will find your answers. Some will be more straightforward than others, but you will find.

• Make a Decision to Forgive

We have already spoken a little bit about this, but it all starts with you.

If you are in the moment where you do need to practice forgiveness, you need to shhhhh your feelings because they will speak all the possible motives for you not to forgive.

But like we said, is something you decide on your mind, not your heart.
Reject all the negative feelings and try to be more positive when you deal with forgiving someone.

• Wish the best for the person – Gift

When you forgive, you now have to attach an action.

You have already forgiven and that is an action in itself. However, you need to GIVE because when you give it’s a way of detaching your negative feelings towards that person.

It’s completely up to you to decide what you are going to ‘’GIVE’’. It might be:

• Give a physical present: it does not have to be a lot, but just something simple
• Wishing the best to the other person: You may separate a specific time when you will wish them the best (not physically texting or calling them if you want to do that, feel free, but in your mind)

• Don’t do to others what you would like to be done to you

Remember that we are all humans, and we all fail.

They might have failed now against you, but at some point, you also have failed towards someone. So don’t know what you wouldn’t wish others to do to you.

We all would like to be forgiven for something we have done wrong, or not done the best way, so do the same with others now.

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